A Transformation of Faith

I've kept myself from posting this for two reasons: (1) I felt it would be misunderstood that I thought my struggles were worse or harder than yours, so here's your disclaimer: I've decided to write this, not for my own pity or selfish desires, but the pull on my heart is that someone else might need to hear read this (in fact I know this & I know some of you, what you've been through & my heart aches for you... know that I love you).  In all honesty, I did not learn or come to this conclusion on my own, but from merely being a spectator of someone else's struggle (which was absolutely much tougher than mine), which brings me to my second reason: (2) I've had to mourn the loss of this person.  I celebrate the fact we knew him & he changed my life through what he called his journey, (not struggle - that's my word), but deeply mourn the fact that the Kraze will not know him, however hope they indeed will by what I hope to carry on through my life and pass down to them.

My journey still feels too personal to share the details with you - maybe full transparency will come with time - but I'll tell you my faith has been tested in insurmountable (to me) ways since the Kraze was born.  While I'm choosing to hold tight to the specifics for now at least, I'll share some thoughts I've had along the way...

• "Why when we ‘needed’ more did we all of a sudden have less?!" 
• "Lord, in the midst of feeling emotionally drained, I at least needed my health."
• "How could this be?!  Did I not pray hard enough?!"
• At this point, I wanted to stop asking why & was just angry.
• **In the midst of these struggles, we found out God had chosen not to heal the most Christ-like man we’ve ever had the privilege of knowing and calling our friend, Mack - "WHY oh why, God?!"

Mack's precious wife shared this verse months ago, which I needed at the time more than I realized, but wasn’t until later that I allowed it to penetrate my heart: “… In this you greatly rejoice, though now, for a little while, you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith OF GREATER THAN GOLD, which perishes even though refined by fire, may be proved genuine, and may result in praise, honor and glory when Jesus Christ is revealed.”

During this time, Zach and I continued to watch Mack's journey from afar and felt completely inadequate in our faith. We witnessed him never “growing weary in doing good… and not giving up”; he never wavered in his faith.  We heard him say more than once, "God is not mad at me. He loves me." Because of this witness, I’ve come to a place of thanking God for believing I’m stronger than I think I am and seeking the purpose in it all… His purpose.

So here’s what's been impressed upon me:

Your pain is probably not about you, but for the greater good, possibly of someone else.  Someone in particular whose life could literally be saved by turning to Jesus because of your story.  Isn’t that what happened on the cross?!  God didn’t allow Jesus  (who was truly perfect) to endure the pain & suffering of the crucifixion because He was being punished or because God didn’t love Him anymore (His own Son).  That very pain & suffering (sacrifice) is what saved the world… the ENTIRE world… if we’ll just accept Him.

Right now, I don’t know who our story will touch or how it could change lives, but my hope & prayer is that we’ll hear His calling and use it for good (hopefully to be a good example for my girls). My prayer is that I can be an example of how “hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not faint.” - Isaiah 40. 

I've titled this 'A TransformATION of Faith, not TransformED (past tense) because I'm still walking through this journey, one step at a time a little further down the path from Plans for Good.  I still don't have answers, I don't understand, but I now understand it's not about me... it's about honoring a God that loved me (and you) first by following in Jesus' and Mack's footsteps of allowing God to use me to transform lives... to bring people to Him.  

Casting Crowns new song, 'Just Be Held' speaks to this so well & I feel like I can relate to every word:

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong    as a mom this couldn't ring truer
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when youre tired of fighting
Chained by your control
Theres freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when youre on your knees and answers seem so far away
Youre not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place
Im on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
Youll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
Youll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, youll understand
Im painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where youll find Me
And where you are, Ill hold your heart
Ill hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who wont let go

In honor of Mack, I'd love to share a few of my favorite ‘Mack Hannah Quotes’ that I will forever carry in my heart:

1. “I'm not your example bc I drop the ball more than I carry it but I can tell you my journey/experience / share my story.”
2. “Choose the next right thing.”
3. "I'm just a begger telling another begger where I found some bread."
4. "I don't want to do His job, I just want to do His work.”
5. "I'm not in competition with anyone but Satan.”
6. "I know I'm not what I should be, but I praise God I'm not what I used to be... one day at a time.”
7. "Never focusing on the past but looking ahead and focusing on the goal.”
8. “Because of Jesus, when I need someone to lean on, he's always there. Some may say it's a crutch, but when you’re crippled you need a crutch & I'm crippled.”

Kraze-isms

A Testament to the TWO SHADES

I should have started doing this a long time ago.  They've been saying "Aw man!" and "No way!" since they were 18 months old; but lately, they have really been cracking us up, and when people ask what they can say now, there is nothing they can't say!  I absolutely adore them coming into their own, so I just had to write these down and save them!

For those of you who know them (or think you do), see if you know who said what!

1. Climbing through the jungle gym to find the slide, to a total stranger: "Hey boy, help me." 
2. Only to me... almost every day: "I will always be your angel."
3. When she accidentally hurts someone: "I am so very sorry." If it's on purpose, good luck getting an apology.
4. "I'm a big giiiirrl ( beeg grrrr)!
5. "That is so sweet of you to share!"
6. When you say, 'What's up?' or What cha doing?': "I'm just here."
7. "You're a good friend, Mommy."
8. Affectionately to her daddy, or anytime she sees him, really: "Daddy's a big boy!"
9. If I get upset (even if I'm not crying): "Want me to wipe your tears?"
10. "It's ok... I'm right here."
11. "I'm workin' on it Mom"
12. She likes to smell things & say: "Mmm... That smells delicious (da-wish-ous)!" it can be a flower, food or a piece of paper
13. Whether you've offered help or not: "I do by self." yes, by self
14. "What cha doin' Dad?!"
15. EVERY time the wind blows: "My haircut's gonna blow away!"
16. Anytime something is shocking or exciting: "O. MY!"
17. "Mommy told you not to do that! You better listen to Mommy!"

Answers below...

 1. Zo 2. KR 3. KR 4. Zo 5. KR 6. Zo 7. Both 8. Zo 9. KR 10. KR 11. Zo 12. KR 13. Zo 14. Zo 15. Zo 16. KR 17. KR

St. Patty's Day Lucky Clover Craft

I'm finally getting around to sharing another craft project with you.  I haven't posted one since last Easter!

First, we started the day with a super complicated 3-element St. Patty's Day breakfast:

1. Green Banana Bread Muffins Should I trust you with sharing this recipe??
2. Green Scrambled Eggs - It's just food coloring people!
3. Bowl of Lucky Charms

You may think the green eggs look unappetizing, but Sam-I-Am actually thinks they're quite delectable and so does the Kraze!  

Here's what you'll need for your Shamrocks:

• Printer & Paper to cut out your silhouette
• Pencil & Scissors to trace & cut out your image
• Cardstock (holds the weight of the glue & paper better)
• Green napkins (what I had lying around the house) or tissue paper
• Mod Podge or any glue you'd like (for the crumpled version)

I cut my napkins into 1 inch squares (approx. - doesn't have to be exact) and crumpled them up. The rest is pretty self-explanatory.

Truth time: I did help fill in some gaps (again, they're 2... and I'm a bit of a perfectionist (AND I needed a completed project for the pictures right?!).  Does this make me a bad mom?  
Zoe did ask me to do her stem for her - which was before she insisted on UN-crumpling the paper and wanted it to lay flat.  She's actually much smarter than I am, because her version was much more age-appropriate than mine - her version took half the time of my crumpled version!

*Zoe's paper-mache version:

• After letting Zo put the paper all over, I turned it over & cut off the edges, so it would look like a shamrock again.
  
  
  
  
• I Mod Podged over the napkins as well & I'm super happy with the way hers turned out too.

At the end of the day, they are so proud of themselves.  Every time they look at their shamrocks, they say, "We made a craft!!" 

I especially love these because they are yet another example of experiencing the two shades of the Kraze (as mentioned in my First Blog Post Ever)!

Plans for Good

I am so blessed to be a part of and a leader for our MOPS (Mother's of Preschoolers) group this year.  Side note: this is a national group & if you're able, I highly suggest you find the closest one to you & get involved!  These fun, genuine, hilarious, supportive ladies have enriched my life beyond measure over the last year and a half.  Thank you!  

Earlier this week, I sent the email to our group recapping last Friday's meeting, but our prayer requests and personal situations as a group were weighing heavy on my heart, so I decided to start my email with the message below.  As this week has gone on, God laid on my heart that it's not just our small group of women, but every wife, mom and woman out there (& even men for crying out loud) who need to know this promise of hope.   Whoever is listening (reading) out there, I want you to know, this message is for you too...  

I am genuinely praying for each and everyone of us (and our loved ones) to Be Brave and not lose faith that God has plans for good, to give us a future and a hope.  He says if we look for Him wholeheartedly, we find find Him. (Jeremiah 29:11-13)  

Our sermon at church was based on this scripture this past Sunday, and the point that stood out to me most was that no one ever talks about the verse before (Jeremiah 29:10) because it puts a bit of a damper on v.11  "...after 70 years... I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised."  WHAT?! 70 years?!  But honestly, this gave me MORE hope... No matter how long our season of waiting to see that light at the end of the tunnel, God is still there and His promise remains.  Just a few verses before (4-7), He says to make a home where you are - plant gardens, multiply... do not dwindle away.  God truly convicted me here... Over the last couple years (coincidence that's about the time The Kraze was born? maybe, maybe not), I've said "When things get better" or "If only" far more times than I care to admit.  God puts us in our situations according to His perfect will (which many times I don't understand) & expects us to make the most of it and never lose sight of who is in control and to continue living with a grateful heart anyway!

It's a message many of us have heard time and time again, but you never know who needs to hear it (again) today.  So share it!

Hey!  We're all in this together.  In case you missed this awesome video floating around, (I need something engaging to make people want to visit & revisit my blog right?!) this is a call to 'no judgement' and to lay off each other (this goes for all women, don't you think?)  It's obviously geared toward moms, but come on ladies, we ALL need to have each other's backs.  #sisterhoodunite