As moms, we experience moments of weakness (impatience) that we hope to forget. (I don't have any examples here - I must have forgotten) But then, we experience special moments, really special ones that you'll never forget or pray you won't.
I had two of these moments within days of each other with each of my girls. So I'm writing about them here to make SURE I won't forget.
My mom sang My Girl to me and I've sang it to 'my girls' even before they were born.
*Sing to your unborn babies mommies! - They can hear you and I promise you will see they recognize your voice from the day they make their debut!
Every night, after we read together in the rocking chair, I individually hold them and sing to them before lying them down. Well, a few nights ago (after 21 months of singing this song every day) as I reach the chorus, Zoe takes her thumb out of her mouth and this beautiful voice comes out, "My gurls! My gurls! Ooooooo!!" My throat tightened immediately to the point that I couldn't keep singing. But then she stopped, looking at me concerned, so I choked through it. And I sang it over and over just to hear her voice, then held her as tears streamed down my face, not wanting it to end... until she pushed me away and said, "Bed Mommy". Yep - that's my Zo Zo Drew baby!
Then last night we a had a 4 hour drive home from the grandparents, so we put The Kraze in PJs before we left, so they could sleep on the way and go straight to their cribs when we arrived. As their eyelids got heavy, Kara Rose drops her paci. I turn on my flashlight and look a bit bent over the seat, then tell her I couldn't find it and I was sorry - basically 'Too bad'. Now before you think I'm cold-hearted, she already had a paci in her mouth. She wanted TWO pacis - why two?! Now... this child has been known to have (at least) one in each hand plus one in her mouth. We've come to the conclusion that she is protecting them from her thumb-sucking twin sister who just wants to chew on them. If Kara Rose sees one, she must apprehend it (no matter how many she already has in her possession) and move it to a safe location (Mommy, her purse or she'll hang on to it). Anyhow, she was not happy with me about this but quickly wore down... I look back there and she is rubbing her eyes and I just felt like she needed a little love. The thought of an MIA paci being swiped at any moment and never to be found again is serious to a 21 month old!
So, I unbuckle and climb over the console to kiss and hug her before she falls asleep (unsafe, I know). She wraps her tiny little arms around my neck and squeezes tight. She doesn't let go. She moves her cheek to press against mine and lets all the weight of her head fall on mine. Did I mention the bottom half of my body is still in the front seat of the Tahoe?! I sat/crouched/hunched there thinking, 'This is one of the most uncomfortable positions I've ever been in, but I won't be the first to let go!' Well, eventually I needed to adjust though (moving the rest of my body into the backseat) and she reached up to me, her sweet voice "Mommy!" and pulled me back in so quickly. I have no idea how much time passed - I could have actually passed out from not being able to breathe with all her hair in my face - DO YOU SEE HOW MUCH HAIR SHE HAS?!
No, seriously, in each of these moments, I spent the time thanking God for their little precious souls, gentle spirits, that I am Mommy to these two amazing (can't emphasize this word enough) little girls, praying that I never forget this moment nor does she and that she somehow always remembers how much I love her through this memory. Trying to memorize the way Zoe looked into my eyes giving it her best shot to sing right on time with me, replaying her voice in my mind as she sang 'Bay-bay!', praying I never forget the sound of her voice that first time I heard her sing. Trying to memorize the feeling of Kara Rose's arms around my neck, our cheeks pressed together and the sound of her soft breaths as she fell asleep... and I did not let go until her arms fell.
So I leave you with this: "You will never have this day with your children again. Today is a gift. Breath and notice. Study their little faces and feet. Relish the charms of the present. Enjoy today mama, it will be gone before you know it." - Jen Hatmaker
